My 29th Chapter on the 26th…

and so the 26th has passed and i turn to my 29th chapter…and these thoughts make up the year which lead to the end of my 28th…

1. growing up can wait…be a kid whenever you can and cherish the moments when you’re able to be one because you’ll never know when you’d need to forget that you’re still a kid…

2. you’ll never be prepared for what life brings you…no matter how many times you rehearse a scene or practice your dialogues life’s crazy script has a way of modifying itself at the last minute…

3. heartbreaks are always a good thing…heartbreaks teaches us so many things about ourselves…you get to learn and relearn things you forgot along the way…

4. bad decisions are never bad…it’s all about perspectives but then again bad decisions tend to be hard to swallow once you realize there’s lessons to be learned from them…like a pill with a bitter aftertaste 🙂

5. the world will never run out of people who make excuses for themselves…heck i’m guilty of doing the same once or twice ;)..but hey, i try to take responsibility for my actions and decisions as much as I can…whenever i can…

6. that in spite of everything that’s been said and done, how you see yourself should not depend on other people’s opinion of you…learning to brush things off and focusing on your own values will keep yourself at peace…

7. expectations are not good for your well being…when you expect things disappointments are not far behind…

8. that no matter how lonely you feel inside, life will surprise you with something that can make you smile…it may come as a simple greeting from your 6-year old neighbor 🙂

9. a cup of coffee is never too hot on a hot sunny day….especially when you’re sharing this with people who are there to encourage and lend an ear to your present woes…

10. real friends will always be there when you need them…lending you their apartment keys when you need a place to crash when you feel lost…

11. reconnecting with friends is like a cup of hot chocolate during gloomy days 🙂

12. sometimes we break our own rules…not only because we want to but because sometimes it’s the right thing to do…or so we thought 🙂

13. no matter how convicted we are about certain events in our lives,  we’ll always find a reason to give someone a second chance…

14. there’s always a lesson to be learned…somewhere in the chaos of things…

15. it’s never too late to write…and the loneliest moments are usually the best inspiration…

16. it’s never too late to talk to Him…it’s never too late to trust in His plans and to keep faith that amidst all the heartaches, His plans are good…

17. grab opportunities no matter how scary and uncertain things seem to be…those opportunities might not come again should you decide to look the other way…but if you do…accept the consequences of your choices…suck it up if you have to…

18. (in conjunction with #17)…regrets are never a good thing…

19. being kind to others or being shown kindness in one way or another will always leave you smiling 🙂

20. pride has no room when it comes to love…

21. love will always move you to do things beyond your own beliefs…

22. sometimes, you have to take life as it comes…don’t make too many plans…an adventure once in a while is a good thing…like traveling to unfamiliar places in manila and getting a tattoo 😉

23. you can always be a better person…we’re all a work in progress…hopefully we’re all progressing towards something better…

24. listening to music can be therapeutic…especially when unknown artists churn out songs that just leave you speechless in their awesomeness…

25. sometimes doing things which seem insane to others is the only way to keep your sanity intact…”hey mr. penguin, so how have you been?”…

26. you can never get too much sleep 🙂 … take a nap whenever you can…but please refrain from dosing off in places where you risk losing anything of value or being taken advantage of…

27. we are all capable of letting go of the most familiar things and the most comfortable human connection…sometimes we need to let go of these things and confront the unfamiliar to realize that we are worth more than how we are treated…things have a way of getting  lost and people tend to leave…it’s okay to cherish their memories but then we’d have to learn to draw the line when it’s no longer wise to hold on to these memories…

28. i am beautiful…i define who i am and my worth is not dependent on anyone else’s opinion…

and lastly…

29. your FAMILY is the greatest treasure you’ll ever have and the love you get from the people  who make up your FAMILY can never compare to any other…

BDAY

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Our love story…

do you remember? i do…i remember riding the same bus; getting off at the same stop…you – walking ahead of me…me..taking the elevator ahead of you…i left you at the lobby…you chatted with R…training…then we became friends…

we shared with your heartaches then and encouraged you that life was better away from your heartaches…we were friends…weren’t we?…

i wonder when it all began for you..this love story that i speak of now…it seems a blur to me…initially i kept my distance from you..telling you it was impossible…but you won me over with your persistence, with your sweet ways and all the small things you did for me…you won me over…

at first i acted like as if i had no wish for attachments…but that was merely a desperate act to cover my insecurities and to protect my heart…and yet you were fate which i seized eagerly…like a child…and we were happy…weren’t we?..or maybe it was just me…

i held on to you…and at one point you were it for me…my unconventional fairy tale…my happy ever after…i was prepared for that forever…i tried to keep you free for i had no right to confine you to myeself…but time has a way of making us forget…i forgot somewhere in our journey together to keep you free…i forgot the instant i put down my guard…i started falling…and kept on falling…knowing you would be there to catch me…but somewhere along the fall i thought you were also falling with me…i was naive and selfish…immature and too insecure…but i trusted that you were falling with me…no matter how rough it got…i didn’t notice you had already found a ledge to break your fall…love makes one blind and we trust too much…i continued falling…i guess i must have closed my eyes at some point and i didn’t see that my fall was about to stop…i fell hard…imagine a fall from a 30-storey building then hitting pavement after accelerating…i ended up broken…battered and bruised…

it’s a miracle i survived…i walked away like an injured pup – limping…but somehow i managed to patch myself up to hide the scars…i kept walking…not knowing which way to go or which path to take…but i guess fate,wanting to compensate  steered me towards safety…in the company of  friends and family…faith…but i kept looking back…somehow hoping you were following…but all i’d see each time would be your shadow…growing longer in the twilight before disappearing completely in the night…and again, somehow fate in one of her moments brought us together for a brief instant – 2 weekends and some days…and just when i said i wanted to give “US” a chance, you had given up again…you left me in tears…then came this unbearable feeling of missing you after some time…then the bargaining, for a piece of that old familiar comfort…a little trickle of that love which used to be mine…it seems fate is playing her games again and this quiet desperation amuses her…a last ditch attempt to confuse you perhaps before she implements her algorithm to transform our parallel paths into asymptotes…i wonder what the future holds…shall we leave it to fate?…et ceci est la partie où je dis “ au revoir mon amour jusqu’à ce que nous rencontrons encore. je vous souhaite bien”

FWF Attempt 2

Disclaimer: This is quite long, please bear with me 🙂

Andrew had been walking the busy streets of New York City when he decided to stop by Central park before going home to his cluttered apartment. While sitting on one of the benches he heard a familiar whistling. It was like one of those moments when one recognizes something close to heart. It was that same sound which awoke him from his sleep one night when he was 6. It was like a call of some sort and somehow he knew it was calling to him specifically. His mind vividly remembered…

It was the night he turned 6. They held a birthday party on that day. He had his closest friends over and his mom baked the coolest cake which was the envy of his friends. Man, he was tired after all the games they’d played and after consuming so much food. His mom tucked him in and kissed him goodnight. He’d decided to use his flannel spider man blanket that night, a gift from his best friend, Jamie. Not long after, he heard a whistling sound outside his window. It didn’t scare him at all. It was like his heart recognized the tune. After pondering for a while, he’d finally decided to take a look. He put on his robe and slippers and came downstairs, passing the kitchen and towards the back, holding a flashlight on one hand and his toy sword tucked in his bathrobe belt. He’d been thinking to himself.

“I’m sure mom and dad would be proud of me. They’d think me a big boy now, not getting scared easily.” And with that he continued his slow steps towards the back, smiling to himself proudly.

He opened the back door and pointed his flashlight randomly to check where the whistling sound had come from but could not find anything. There was no one astir, except for his dog Buckley who had been awakened by his flashlight. Slowly he went to pat his dog and urged the mutt to go back to sleep.

He was about to turn back towards the house when out of the corner of his eye he noticed something shining by the garden shed. Light from a nearby lamp post was being reflected by its surface. Curious he stepped closer. It was a metal of some sort, half of it buried in the ground. He stared at the object while shining light on it. It reflected a landscape, but not their backyard. There was a lush forest and there were pixies flying. In his astonishment he reached out to touch the image, and like all the movies he’d seen regarding time travel he found himself being sucked into the image. Everything happened in an instant. And like all curious 6-year olds, he was exhilarated. He found himself standing by a lake, surrounded by the lush forest he had seen previously. He was filled with an excitement he could not fathom, immediately he thought “An adventure!” He was not scared at all. His heart felt that it was a friendly atmosphere despite the strangeness.

That was until he saw what was beyond the lake. Strange creatures were looking at him, they reminded him of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but there wasn’t just one, there were three of them and some others not far behind. A crocodile was also getting ready to swim into the lake and some others loitering about. And a tiger seemed to have escaped his cage just by the cliff.  It took him a while to realize that it wasn’t as friendly as he had initially thought. And fear slowly crept in, manifested by the watering of his eyes and a pounding of his young heart. But his sense of adventure overpowered his fears. It was like courage had suddenly spread in his being and he felt he was bigger than his 6-year old frame. Bravely he took out the toy sword tucked in his belt, shaking, he shouted with his 6-year old voice “I’m not afraid of you!” and stood his ground like only a brave 6-year old could.

Not far beyond he had not noticed an old wizard standing by. He had a gray cloak and a crooked staff. The wizard slowly hovered near the lake and held up his staff and commanded the strange creatures and the animals to stop frightening the little boy. With a smile he approached Andrew and said

“My dear boy, do not be frightened. My friends are merely curious with your presence. Please, put down your sword, we mean you no harm. We welcome all who visit our humble home. I must say, I admire your courage my dear boy! Wielding that sword like only a brave soldier could.”

Mystified and relieved, Andrew lowered his sword, tucked it in his belt and wiped his teary eyes with the back of his arm and sniffed. The Wizard let out a light chuckle and patted his head. Mustering all the courage that remained, Andrew addressed his new found acquaintance. Holding out his hand like a gentleman, he said

“I’m Andrew Sir, nice to make your acquaintance!”

And again, the old wizard let out that same light chuckle and admired the little boy more. Shaking the small hand extended to him. And the old wizard responded saying

“Why, the pleasure is all mine. I am Seren, Wizard of the land of Springbren” and spanning his surroundings he continued “and these are my friends.”

And with that Andrew felt at ease. The surrounding seemed a bit brighter and the creatures and the animals seemed gentler. Then, Seren the wizard said

“You must pardon the surroundings. It’s that time of the year when the sun hides itself and the moon stays in place longer. Come, let’s partake in a humble meal. You must be hungry.”

Seren made a wave of his staff and a table with platters of scrumptious food was laid before him. And only then did Andrew realize that he was indeed hungry. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but boy he was hungry. He ate heartily. Several nymphs, fairies and wood elves came by and played with Andrew. Seren sat sipping his tea, contented, he watched Andrew and the creatures pass the time. It was pleasing to him to watch Andrew interact with the creatures of Springbren, they have not had this much fun in a while. And just then, he felt a pang of sadness, knowing that Andrew had to leave in a while. He was not a creature of their world and he could not stay for long. Then Seren got up from his seat and approached Andrew. Immediately the nymphs, fairies and wood elves knew why, they moved away from Andrew to let Seren speak with him. Andrew noticed them hovering and standing some distance from him and wondered. Seren approached him and placed a hand on his small shoulder.

“My dear Andrew, you have graced us with your wonderful presence and have delighted us with your bravery. But I’m afraid you mustn’t tarry any longer.  It’s time for you to return to your world my dear boy.”

And Andrew understood that he had to go. He wasn’t from that world and he somehow knew what would happen if he did not obey. He felt that he was losing a part of himself, a part of his memories of the real world all the while he was spending time with the nymphs and the fairies and the wood elves. And all he could do in response was to nod. Seren slowly waved his staff and whispered a short spell, and a ball of light appeared and enveloped Andrew slowly. He could see the sadness in Seren’s eyes, but there was nothing he could do. And immediately he found himself in his own backyard, beside the garden shed, but the metal object was gone. A wave of sadness swept over him and tears started to stream down his face. It seemed he was only gone for a while as it was not yet dawn. Recalling the bravery he showed Seren in Springbren, he got up and took a deep breath, but he could not contain his sadness and it overwhelmed his brave young heart, and with shoulders hunched and head low, he walked back into the house, up the stairs and into his room, laid on his bed still crying and fell asleep.

That was 20 years ago. Time had passed but the images were etched so deeply into his memory that he had no difficulty recalling the events. He treasured those childhood memories and made sure he kept it in his heart. He hadn’t told anyone about that night, not even his best friend. He wanted to honor the memory and didn’t want anyone to make fun of it. The whistling continued. He turned around to where the sound was coming from and saw an old man with long white hair all covered up for the winter, holding a cane. He addressed Andrew and said

“Good Evening. Sure is cold this time of the year.”

And with that the old man continued on his way. Andrew was reminded of Seren and he smiled.

An attempt at FWF..

http://kellieelmore.com/2012/06/15/fwf-free-write-friday-finish-the-story/

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i hesitated to go with him, a scraggly little fellow wearing what appeared to be miner’s boots and overalls. i wondered where he might have come from. i had been wandering aimlessly, not knowing how long and needed to rest. i looked at my muddy feet and my torn dress and decided to follow him. it was indeed large and roomy inside the tree, almost cozy.

“make yourself comfortable. don’t worry i don’t bite” he said smiling. “go and take your rest. the foot soldiers will pass by any minute now, you’d best hide here with me ’til daylight or else we’ll both get our heads chopped off!”

and with that he turned to his side and fell asleep. i thought to myself i would stay awake, but the silence and the darkness that slowly enveloped the forest made my eyes grow heavy and the exhaustion from wandering the unfamiliar gave me enough reasons to give in to the beckoning of dreams. and without my noticing i fell asleep, completely forgetting the fears that have been bothering me. i woke up quite refreshed. it was already daylight and the little scraggly fellow was nowhere to be found. startled, i searched for him inside the tree but all i could find was a note written on a piece of leaf placed on top of a pile of raspberries.

he wrote “follow the trail behind the willow tree just beyond the spring brook and you’ll get to where you need to be.”

i wasn’t sure whether to take his advise but i had been lost in the forest for some time, so i hungrily devoured the pile of raspberries he left me and went about my way. following his directions i went past the spring brook and upon reaching the willow tree i breathed a sigh of relief. behind it i saw a rocky path and followed the same. my heart raced as i continued to take one step after another and after what seemed like forever i saw that familiar wind vane resting on top of that familiar turret. i ran as fast as i could as tears streamed down my face and reached the old familiar porch steps. i ran to the parlor where mum was taking her afternoon tea, and forgetting my manners i shot straight into her arms sobbing. i don’t know how long i was away, but that didn’t matter…i was home…

Fin…

i’ve been writing our last
chapter for a long while it seems…
my pen is running out of ink
and the last page
is running out of space…
i’ve written
and rewritten
thoughts…feelings…
so much so that
the page looks like
a paper full of scribbles
by a 2-year old…
i’m running out of margins…
words are crowding
each other…
they look illegible…
and notes and footnotes
no longer fit
no matter how small
i try to make them…
i’m placing the last dots
and crossing the t’s
i’m taking one last glance…
reading my favorite lines
and savoring each
one last moment…
it’s time to turn the page
and close this chapter…
i wonder how
the next chapters will be like…

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Acceptance

i write
to tell you
that my feelings overflow
and i am choosing
to let these feelings
flow through me
freely…

i’d like
to say…
i loved you…i love you…for always…

to tell you…
how much you meant to me…how much you mean to me…

to tell you…
i’m sorry…and thank you…
for all the small things…for all the big things
you’ve done for me…you’ve given me…you’ve shared with me…

to tell you…
i miss you…i missed you…i will miss you…

to tell you…
that days spent with you
were wonderful…were beautiful…
and are treasured…will be treasured…

i love you…

and when you leave
take a piece of me
so you remember me…for always…

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