The Transience of Clouds

Clouds often dot the blue expanse that is the sky

on bright summer days,

during gloomy typhoon seasons,

during the dreamy spring season, on bleak winters,

and cozy autumn days…

Sometimes, they drift gracefully,

like wisps lightly passing by, dissipating

without much resistance

—like a wanderer walking through a quiet town

without any plans of staying much longer than

necessary…

Sometimes they look like lumps of the softest cotton,

the fluffiest pillows, and the puffiest marshmallow

as if you’d have the sweetest dream

if you nestle between their folds

and blanket yourself with some of their fluff…

but they too eventually dissipate after a while,

—like tourists that come to visit a scenic town

staying for 3 days and 2 nights, visiting tourist spots,

and taking photos for memories…

Sometimes they tower above, billowing

into the highest reaches of the troposphere;

they remind me of mothers that sacrifice much more

than what their husbands or their children can see…

they carry the heaviest of burdens—on their shoulders,

on their backs, and on their hips, until the soles of their feet

and their ankles become sore…

they carry rain, like the tears they shed behind closed doors

or never shed at all…

they bring with them thunder and lightning as if to say

“Listen to me…look at me…I am here…I was here…”

just like our mothers or our fathers

as they shout and holler when they’ve lost all patience

and get angry…

But they too eventually dissipate

—but far longer than the stranger or the tourist…they stay

just a bit longer, like your family and your truest friends

that come to visit and sweep through your house…

sometimes, even overstaying their welcome.

The transience of clouds remind me

that regardless of whether we were once like

the intimidating cumulonimbus,

or the ominous supercells,

or the carefree cirrus,

or the ethereal stratus clouds

and the undulatus asperatus clouds that bring a sense of mystery,

we are but a speck in the universe…

our lives are but a drop in the ocean of time

—we are but an impermanent existence…

The Faithful Lover

The faithful lover remains steadfast in their love;

Constant, in their trust;

Fearless, and generous in giving,

without regard for gains and losses

—until they themselves are spent….


They accept what they are given

and never ask for more;

Sometimes, the faithful lovers

forget themselves as they continue to forgive

their lover’s sins of commission,

yet not forgetting; not because they are keeping score,

but to remind themselves

in the moments when they are alone

—perhaps during their countless monologues in the shower;

perhaps on nights that are too quiet

with only the chirping sounds of crickets left for company—

that love is real,

and that every sacrifice will be worth it in the end

—until they are numb, and no longer recognize themselves….


Oftentimes, the faithful lover deliberately

ignores their delicate boundaries,

breaching the fine line between compromise and blind submission….


However, when faced with the universe’s disenchantment,

even the weak can muster up the courage

to walk away;

shedding off their mottled skin that has lost its glow

—eroded by their endless abandonment of their old self

to accommodate and adjust to their lover’s demands,

continuously forgiving…


Yet some who manage to walk away

forget to also forgive themselves;

they carry the blame on their shoulders,

asking what they lacked,

how or why or where they failed,

why they weren’t enough….


Some faithful lovers eventually find their peace, with time

—they are fortunate enough to heal, and find lasting happiness

amid the chaos and their struggles;

But sadly, some aren’t as lucky, and the blow pushes them

deeper into the mire

—losing themselves and never finding the strength

to look inside themselves and examine their scars,

instead they let it fester, and bleed…

and they bleed on others…

settling for dysfunctional affection and dependence….


Love begets love, and the faithful lover deserves a faithful lover too.


Home is…

a room filled with the melodious laughter of a baby
after falling on their tushie
as they bravely take their first step;

two people enjoying a cup of coffee together
while watching the color of the sunset change slowly,
from bright gold to orange to a red afterglow;

everyone gathering around the kitchen table
for breakfast, arms overlapping,
eager to get that perfectly cooked sunny side up egg –
crispy edges, whites mostly set and a runny yolk;

cooking a pot of creamy macaroni soup
during cold, rainy days and serving it piping hot
for that extra warmth…when cuddles just aren’t enough;

that safe corner..that safe space
to act silly…to let go…to cry and breakdown
when the world becomes too much;

that genuine hug…that gentle pat…
a kind word…a warm smile…
that soothing voice lulling all the bad dreams away;

wherever your heart feels most at peace
amidst the rancor and the noise outside.


One Night Love Affair

Rendezvous under coral pink skies and neon lit signs

A love affair like the rain at the height of summer…

Like a sudden shower on a bright sunny day – ending just as abruptly as it began;

Now all that’s left is the scent of cigarette smoke

blended with the muted aroma of last night’s coffee

and a hangover on nicotine & caffeine…

 

Thoughts over tea

It happened because it was meant to happen…

It was supposed to – the crash…the falling out…

I still remember the day you left…the rain…

You said it wasn’t planned, but I saw the hesitation in that last glance

Somehow I read your mind – that if you were to walk out the door

you were walking out for good…and there it was –

a momentary hesitation…because maybe

You knew you were taking a risk;

I wonder if you were afraid…or maybe you were just nervous –

feeling the thrill of taking a step towards something you felt was better…

But I’m thankful that you took that step…that you walked out…

because you gave me the opportunity to come back to me…to grow…

to get to know me again…

It was all meant to happen…everything unfolded as they were supposed to…

Everything was as it should be…everything is as it should be –

the pain…the discomfort…the brokenness…the sadness…

even the lies…you were meant to lie to me – over and over…

It was the last push…I never had the courage to take risks…to jump…

to take the leap towards Me…

You walked away and it compelled me to struggle on my own…

and to break…to accept –

that everything was as it should…

There’s still a long way to go..I haven’t reached the end of my leap…

I don’t know what lies at the end…what I do know is that this will be quite a journey…

I might fall and break again…but then

I might just continue to fly…and soar…

Incoherence

i know those eyes
and remember how
they’d look at me…
how they’d see
through me sometimes…
staring into a distance
i could never reach…

i’ve memorized
the curve of your lips
after every kiss – exchanged
and after every smile
you’ve given me…

i’ve memorized
the furrows on your
forehead when you’d think…
or when you were angry…
when you hated me…

they’re all but part of
my memories…
i no longer see your face
and can no longer
feel your touch and your kisses…
though i remember
how it used to feel…
to be held…to be kissed…
to be loved…

i wanted you then…all
i ever wanted was you…
just you…and everything
that defined you…

now all that we share
is silence –
deafening…
it suffocates and torments…
unlike the silence we used
to share..
it was reassuring…
there was happiness in spite..
it was like a song
to which we could
hum along without even
knowing the words…

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