Her Last Love Letter

Dear M., she wrote
in lovely strokes and beautiful cursive…

in each line…love letter
she poured out her heart
ending each sentence with
a tear…and a fragment of the love that still clung to each cell
of her battered heart…

she wrote of their memories…
of lessons learned…of realizations…
of the love they once shared…
of what was left of who they once were
to one another…

and she wrote her goodbye…
a painful farewell
to all the years they shared…
the plans they made…the promises…
the dreams they dreamed together…
the intimate moments…
and to the piece of her heart which only belonged to M…

Ink and Poetry

and so the ink flowed
from needle to skin…
tracing the outlines of
the stenciled flash…
my skin – the artist’s canvas;
the needle gun – his paintbrush…
and like Picasso, every drop
of ink in his strokes
pigments the canvas…slowly
completing the flash that was
once only a concept – a vision
in my mind…
and the pain which comes
with this artwork is a commitment…
i am marked forever…
and like a river, the ink
runs through my veins
mingling with love and poetry…

Middle Ground

the stars spell loneliness
like omens foretelling
death…not of the body
but of a soul…of a love…that has been
struggling…adrift in the
chaos and the conflict
between a healing heart and
a stubborn mind…trying to reconcile
a part wanting to feel…
safety…love…that warm
comfort within an embrace…
the other, ready to take
that step towards uncertainty;
towards that which is without…
to feel…a little freedom…
and yet that step has not been taken…
still hoping you’d take my hand
to pull me back into your arms
to tell me that i am worth
every ounce of sacrifice and pain…
and yet i know that
your love is not big enough
for both of us…
should i choose to give up
my dreams until your love
swallows both of us
in a comfortable cradle…or
until you learn to trust me
and in the love that i have for you…
for us?…am i too selfish?…
it seems there is no middle ground
for our plight…no compromise…

Contemplation

I wonder what color loneliness has…
gray perhaps…like gloomy weather…
I wonder whether if its texture
is like sand…rough and grainy…
i guess loneliness is more like
the waves that comes crashing onto
the shore…endless…

I wonder what color pain is…
red perhaps…like the flame…it burns…
I wonder if it tastes like rain
and saltwater…or if it’s sound
is like the humming silence
one hears in an empty room…

I wonder if independence
and freedom always equates
to leaving someone behind…
to heartbreaks…

I wonder if you ever tried
to listen for my heartbreak
while I sat weeping…
and you contemplated
on how best to leave me…

I wish to be nameless…
faceless…anonymous…
I wish to go
where nobody knows me…
my name..or my past…

where present is only a concept
and time winds and bends
according to one’s will…

where memories
can be taken out like
photographs…to be sorted…
filed…and discarded accordingly…

but alas, such a place
does not exist…
and i am left to confront
reality…
perhaps in dreams?
or Alice’s Wonderland?
or maybe in death?

Tears

my tears are unspoken truths…
they are painful memories…
my quiet sadness…

my tears represent time…
each teardrop a period…
in which
i’ve kept myself from
thinking about you…

i restrained myself
from begging you
to come back to me…
to hold me when i feel sad and alone…
to kiss me when i’ve had a bad day…

i picked myself up
in spite of my desires
to sit in a corner
and just let the days pass me by…

my tears are pieces of
you and me…slowly
washing away…

won’t you catch these
tears that i shed?…
these tears are my diamonds…
they sparkle like jewels…
and glisten like the sea
under the sun…

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my heart grieves like a child –
disappointed…
for expecting you to
keep your end of the bargain…
like a school girl
coming home after school
excited to reach into a cupboard
hoping to find a jar of
cookies…
only to find it empty…
sometimes i question
my own intelligence and
my tolerance for pain and
the melancholy…
and things too bitter
for the palate…

i no longer want to grieve
over things i already know
will never be mine again…
i no longer want my heart
to break over your words…
and yet my heart and my mind
keeps circling back
to the pain that
i find in your memory…
to this sadness
that is you…

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