relapse (3)

my heart grieves like a child –
disappointed…
for expecting you to
keep your end of the bargain…
like a school girl
coming home after school
excited to reach into a cupboard
hoping to find a jar of
cookies…
only to find it empty…
sometimes i question
my own intelligence and
my tolerance for pain and
the melancholy…
and things too bitter
for the palate…

i no longer want to grieve
over things i already know
will never be mine again…
i no longer want my heart
to break over your words…
and yet my heart and my mind
keeps circling back
to the pain that
i find in your memory…
to this sadness
that is you…

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