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when i say “I love you”…i mean to say
thank you…for being here
that i look for you in every space i am in;
in every face i come across;
in everything…
that i also grow tired and weary…my muscles
ache; my knees grow weak…
and really when i say “I love you”…i’m saying
to love you is to toil without tiring
because my “i love you” does not tire or grow weary…
this is the suffering of someone who loves…embrace it

when i say “i love you”…i mean to say
that the world is unfair; and life
is hard but i will love you in all your imperfect being…
so let the storms come…let the sun melt me…
and let me show you that i am as imperfect as you are..

You are the object of this love;
the story that does not ebb;
the one moment that is never forgotten

You are my respite…the rest my weary soul needs…

So when i say “i love you”…i’m telling you that i am happy
that my heart is overflowing;
because, no matter how long the day is
i will come home to you…

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Her Last Love Letter

Dear M., she wrote
in lovely strokes and beautiful cursive…

in each line…love letter
she poured out her heart
ending each sentence with
a tear…and a fragment of the love that still clung to each cell
of her battered heart…

she wrote of their memories…
of lessons learned…of realizations…
of the love they once shared…
of what was left of who they once were
to one another…

and she wrote her goodbye…
a painful farewell
to all the years they shared…
the plans they made…the promises…
the dreams they dreamed together…
the intimate moments…
and to the piece of her heart which only belonged to M…

Chapter 2. Open Book

“I’m an open book” He said…
“An Open Book” I repeated…
in the short period we’ve spent
in that cafe it’s become
quite a habit –
this repetition of responses…

“What you see is what you get”

he said with a playful smile…
his eyes showing delight…

“ask me anything and i shall
give you an honest answer”

in my mind a flood of questions
but all i came up with was

“why me?”

bowing my head in embarrassment
after the words left my mouth…
i was being insecure…
he put his coffee cup aside,
leaned on his elbow
and answered

“Because your eyes tell me
so many things which
you wouldn’t say otherwise…
and when you smile, you glow…
and the sadness and the pain
you try so hard to conceal
are as beautiful as you are…

Your quiet demeanor tell me
of your strength…
and the reservation in your touch
tell me of your gentleness
and just how much
you can love someone…”

I just stared at him…not sure
whether to believe a word he said…
he paused and looked at me
intently…

“You are an open book
and your pages have captivated
me to keep reading”

I lowered my eyes then looked away
biting my lower lip
to keep from crying…I mustered a smile
and asked him

“Do I wear my heart
out on my sleeve? so much so
that you are able to describe
me in such a way…
I thought I’ve kept perfect
composure in front of everyone.”

He smiled and answered gently –
almost like a parent coddling a child…

“Yes you have…but you haven’t
fooled me because
I see You..”

Then he reached out and
wiped away the tear which had
managed to escape my efforts…

“You shouldn’t cry…your tears
are too precious.”

And at that moment i started to fall…

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Our love story…

do you remember? i do…i remember riding the same bus; getting off at the same stop…you – walking ahead of me…me..taking the elevator ahead of you…i left you at the lobby…you chatted with R…training…then we became friends…

we shared with your heartaches then and encouraged you that life was better away from your heartaches…we were friends…weren’t we?…

i wonder when it all began for you..this love story that i speak of now…it seems a blur to me…initially i kept my distance from you..telling you it was impossible…but you won me over with your persistence, with your sweet ways and all the small things you did for me…you won me over…

at first i acted like as if i had no wish for attachments…but that was merely a desperate act to cover my insecurities and to protect my heart…and yet you were fate which i seized eagerly…like a child…and we were happy…weren’t we?..or maybe it was just me…

i held on to you…and at one point you were it for me…my unconventional fairy tale…my happy ever after…i was prepared for that forever…i tried to keep you free for i had no right to confine you to myeself…but time has a way of making us forget…i forgot somewhere in our journey together to keep you free…i forgot the instant i put down my guard…i started falling…and kept on falling…knowing you would be there to catch me…but somewhere along the fall i thought you were also falling with me…i was naive and selfish…immature and too insecure…but i trusted that you were falling with me…no matter how rough it got…i didn’t notice you had already found a ledge to break your fall…love makes one blind and we trust too much…i continued falling…i guess i must have closed my eyes at some point and i didn’t see that my fall was about to stop…i fell hard…imagine a fall from a 30-storey building then hitting pavement after accelerating…i ended up broken…battered and bruised…

it’s a miracle i survived…i walked away like an injured pup – limping…but somehow i managed to patch myself up to hide the scars…i kept walking…not knowing which way to go or which path to take…but i guess fate,wanting to compensate  steered me towards safety…in the company of  friends and family…faith…but i kept looking back…somehow hoping you were following…but all i’d see each time would be your shadow…growing longer in the twilight before disappearing completely in the night…and again, somehow fate in one of her moments brought us together for a brief instant – 2 weekends and some days…and just when i said i wanted to give “US” a chance, you had given up again…you left me in tears…then came this unbearable feeling of missing you after some time…then the bargaining, for a piece of that old familiar comfort…a little trickle of that love which used to be mine…it seems fate is playing her games again and this quiet desperation amuses her…a last ditch attempt to confuse you perhaps before she implements her algorithm to transform our parallel paths into asymptotes…i wonder what the future holds…shall we leave it to fate?…et ceci est la partie où je dis “ au revoir mon amour jusqu’à ce que nous rencontrons encore. je vous souhaite bien”

Love Story

a love story unfolds
like petals to a flower…
blooms and withers…
it begins with
an exchange…
a glance between
two people
feeling the same
emotion at the same time…
and from that exchange
it progresses to
a brush…a touch…
to holding hands…
an embrace…a kiss…
to making love…
and yet sometimes
things do not unfold
or progress as such…
there are love stories
which happen in an instant –
with attraction so intense
it spreads like wildfire –
consuming…unperturbed…
yet the same love story
can end in more ways
than it began…
it can end when
one party gives up and
stops trying…
or maybe when one
falls out of love
or falls in love with another…
it doesn’t matter
how it began…
it doesn’t matter
how it ends…
what matters is
you lived your love story
may it have been brief…in the end
love and the story itself
are all that matters…

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