11.17.12

and when she saw that glint
of sadness in your eyes
did she ask you if you wanted to go
or whether you wanted to stay?
or did she take your face in her hand
and distract you with her seductive
kiss to make you forget
the sadness which clings to you?…

and when she felt the disregard
and the coldness in your touch
did she ask you if you loved her
and whether you still wanted her?
or did she take you in her arms
and laid your head to her bosom
to make you inhale her hypnotic scent
and lulled you into forgetting
your past love?…

and when she heard the hollowness
in your voice during rare conversations
did she ask you what your heart was feeling
and what it whispered in silence?
or did she sing you her song
to take your mind away from
the memories which you held intensely?…

did she love you?…does she love you still?…
how did she love you?…how much did she love you?
does my love compare?

Cycle

in my lonesome
i’ve come to realize
that happiness
is a state of mind
as well as a choice…
we choose the company
we keep…
we choose the memories
we cherish…
the moments to remember
and relive…

in my lonesome
i’ve also mastered the art
of getting by each day…
i start by pretending
that i’m happy
and then eventually
i forget about
the things that make me sad…
even just for a while…
until i’m all alone…
until I’m without company…
until i have no other choice
but to confront the sadness
that still clings to me…

it’s become a cycle…
a routine i’ve repeated
each day for approximately
79 days…16 hours…2 minutes…
and still counting…
i’ve come to find
that i still love you
i guess i’ll never stop…
and i’m choosing to
repeat these steps
until happiness becomes
second nature…
just like the way i love you…

Image

Andar conmigo

walk with me awhile
before you leave me for the last time…
sail with me…in ships in bottles
towards imaginary horizons…
over uncharted seas
and undiscovered islands…

come…build a world with me…
lets build skyscrapers
and recreate your favorite
city…perhaps New York?
lets use plaster molds
and lots of sand and just
enough water
to hold them all together…
then we’ll pretend to be giants
and gods roaming the earth….

come…sit with me awhile
on the edge of our love’s innocence
before her beauty took you
away from me…

come…walk with me awhile
until the sun sets behind us
and the stars decorate
the dark velvet palette that is the sky…

stay awhile…walk with me
until we reach the end of this road…
but i feel your steps
slowing down…growing heavy
your hand slipping away…
i see your soul getting weary…
like memories…slowly
dissolving into nothing…

Letting Go

sipping coffee
on a rainy Wednesday…
mulled over your words…
and you were right
i am getting there, and
i didn’t realize i’ve come so far…

slowly i’ve come to  realize
that you’re no longer
the same person
i fell in love with…
no longer the same
person i gave my heart to…
and the love which
i had for you has also
transformed
into a different kind…
no longer the same passionate,
romantic love…
it’s more platonic…familial…

yes i still think of you
though no longer in the same
way i used to…
your thoughts no longer
consume my hours…
and the sadness…and the pain
i used to feel when
i come across
a memory of you and me
has slowly ebbed…
my voice no longer breaks
when i talk about you
and the events of April 25th…

slowly i’ve come to understand
that i am now only
a part of your past;
you are part of mine –
and we are now
only yesterday’s feelings…
i guess i’m choosing
to leave the pieces of what we had
as they are – broken…

i’m letting go now –
your hands are no longer
mine to hold…
and the spaces
in between your fingers
are no longer mine to fill…

Release…

i get lost in my thoughts most times…
drowning in the chaos of things
which i deem worthy to occupy
the spaces of my brain
and consume my time…
sometimes i notice that i forget
to breathe or that i’ve been
holding my breath for too long
though i can’t determine why…
not quite sure whether
i hold my breath in anticipation
or whether i hold it in hopes
that i might be able to escape…
reality perhaps?…or pain…or
maybe its this loneliness that
takes hold of me in moments of
silence and solitude…
and that maybe in the next instant, when i open my eyes
i’d find myself somewhere else…
that in holding my breath
i might be able to travel back in time…
to a point some time in the past…

imagine, if i were able to do such a thing…
and if by chance i find myself
transported to the past
by some glitch in the
time-space continuum
i’d hold your hand tighter…
whisper more i love you’s
and give you plenty kisses
each time i’d hold you…
i’d remind you of
the simple things
that always make you smile…
i’d act silly so i can make you laugh…
and i’d tell you
that on the 15th of may
i gave you my heart
and with it the license to hurt me
hoping you won’t have to use it…
but glitches don’t really happen…
and holding my breath
nor closing my eyes
won’t change a thing…

i get lost in these thoughts….
in the chaos of these things
which remind me of the past…
maybe somewhere in the
fabrics…in the frames of
time and space i’ll be able to
find myself again…

without you…

Image

In Pursuit…

Forgotten by love…
washed away
by the endless waves
towards the shore…
a wink from that lone star
in early dusk…
the heavens sigh
and heave…
as raindrops embrace me
and the earth takes
me to her bosom…
i lie on the ground
clutching the coarseness
of the earth….wanting
to feel…and breathe in
the scent of the rain soaked
dirt until sleep
takes hold of my lonesome…
i wake and hold the mist
and the early morning dew
in my hands…selfishly…
and i seek for that part of me…

in the mist that fill the spaces
of who i’ve become…

in the margins of my thoughts…
in the frays…

in rays of sunlight…trespassing
through glass windows…

in places where time has left its
footprints…in pages
that have browned with age…

everything seems to be
a reminder…
and i am left with an urge
to look…
in shadows and memories…

Image

A Little Bit Stronger…Sara Evans

Soon..i hope…and this is parallel to what i did today…

A Little Bit Stronger lyrics
Songwriters: Barker Aaron Gayle; Harbin Ronald Steven;

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I’m trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I’m done hoping that we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn’t happen overnight but you turn around
And a month’s gone by and you realize you haven’t cried
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I’m busy getting stronger

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I’m better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I’m getting stronger without you, baby

And I’m done hoping we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger