Her Last Love Letter

Dear M., she wrote
in lovely strokes and beautiful cursive…

in each line…love letter
she poured out her heart
ending each sentence with
a tear…and a fragment of the love that still clung to each cell
of her battered heart…

she wrote of their memories…
of lessons learned…of realizations…
of the love they once shared…
of what was left of who they once were
to one another…

and she wrote her goodbye…
a painful farewell
to all the years they shared…
the plans they made…the promises…
the dreams they dreamed together…
the intimate moments…
and to the piece of her heart which only belonged to M…

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03.24.15

photo from: http://270c81.medialib.glogster.com/media/fc/fcda4471fb3fda01d182be3a145fa8e27a461837c4764c85882e4b4f1f672c47/poems-for-broken-hearts-001-jpg.jpg
photo from: http://270c81.medialib.glogster.com/

and so we made love for the last time…after a long time…
and i saw that there was nothing left for us…

it was over…

and even while you were holding me
i saw that you weren’t seeing me…
your mind was far away…
somewhere you would not let me reach…

it was over…

and even when you were kissing me
your mind was imagining someone else…
it breaks my heart to realize
that what we had has now been reduced to memories
that cling and hover over me…
a constant reminder of how we used to be…

Incomplete

i laid my ear to your chest
and listened close to your heart….
it whispered thoughts of
loneliness and pain…
of regrets it would not fathom
nor admit…
of a love that flickers
and wavers…similar to
the phases of the moon –
waning and waxing…
of an affection
whose flames continuously
struggle to burn…

your heartbeat sounded like
a series of measured stacatto…
like shortened beaths at intervals…
why do you tolerate
my company?…aren’t you spent
from doing so?…how long will
you try to endure your suffering?…
this unhappiness that i bring you
only causes your heart to break…
is it because i’m incomplete
as you have described me?
like a puzzle
missing its  pieces…

Altered

i used to wonder where
the sun went during sunsets..
and where the moon and
all the stars hid during sunrise…
just like how i wonder where
your mind goes in your silence…
where your dreams take you
when you reach that deep slumber…
i used to wonder why
you left…and what you found
while you were away from me…
did you find the happiness
you’ve been seeking for so long?
were you able to find the love
you’ve been longing for?
did you get the things
i could never give you?
and in your absence from
the chaos that i was…did you
find your peace?…your salvation?…
your freedom?…did you find yourself
in her universe?…
but now i wonder what
the reason is
for your return into mine…you tell me
love is the sole reason you came back
but is it really?…i think it’s too late for us…
i think i rebuilt my broken self
with only the old threads
that used to hold me together…
discarding most of who i was…and
without the part you
used to love – my feeble heart…

http://www.domenlo.com/gallery/greek-mythology/the-transformation-of-daphne/

Middle Ground

the stars spell loneliness
like omens foretelling
death…not of the body
but of a soul…of a love…that has been
struggling…adrift in the
chaos and the conflict
between a healing heart and
a stubborn mind…trying to reconcile
a part wanting to feel…
safety…love…that warm
comfort within an embrace…
the other, ready to take
that step towards uncertainty;
towards that which is without…
to feel…a little freedom…
and yet that step has not been taken…
still hoping you’d take my hand
to pull me back into your arms
to tell me that i am worth
every ounce of sacrifice and pain…
and yet i know that
your love is not big enough
for both of us…
should i choose to give up
my dreams until your love
swallows both of us
in a comfortable cradle…or
until you learn to trust me
and in the love that i have for you…
for us?…am i too selfish?…
it seems there is no middle ground
for our plight…no compromise…

Contemplation

I wonder what color loneliness has…
gray perhaps…like gloomy weather…
I wonder whether if its texture
is like sand…rough and grainy…
i guess loneliness is more like
the waves that comes crashing onto
the shore…endless…

I wonder what color pain is…
red perhaps…like the flame…it burns…
I wonder if it tastes like rain
and saltwater…or if it’s sound
is like the humming silence
one hears in an empty room…

I wonder if independence
and freedom always equates
to leaving someone behind…
to heartbreaks…

I wonder if you ever tried
to listen for my heartbreak
while I sat weeping…
and you contemplated
on how best to leave me…

I wish to be nameless…
faceless…anonymous…
I wish to go
where nobody knows me…
my name..or my past…

where present is only a concept
and time winds and bends
according to one’s will…

where memories
can be taken out like
photographs…to be sorted…
filed…and discarded accordingly…

but alas, such a place
does not exist…
and i am left to confront
reality…
perhaps in dreams?
or Alice’s Wonderland?
or maybe in death?

Rhyme

spam and jam, they rhyme
like Scarborough Fair’s rosemary and thyme…
peanut butter and jelly…
violins, cellos, and ukulele…
violets, roses and daisies…
life..death and other funny stories…
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…
sing to me while i lay
closing my eyes to the world
and all things mundane and absurd…
hands and palms and fingertips,
tongue and cheek and cherry lips…
kiss me…touch me…hurt me…
play me…love me
like you did – like you meant it…
blind me with your lies while i sit
silently…weeping…broken and dying
like a lost child cowering…
take my hand…hold me…
brush me off like dust…forget me
like your promises…consider me –
a bad memory…breathe me out; take her in – selfishly
like the freedom you craved – away from me…