Hearts and Autumn

autumn comes around slowly…
like an old friend walking at
a leisurely pace towards
an appointed time and place
where company awaits
his return from his year-long retreat…
and the Maple, Oak and Elm
welcome him by their abscission…
shedding their leaves
for the autumn breeze
to blow them away…
just like hearts – returning –
finding respite on quiet nights
when all of its loneliness and pain,
and unfulfilled wishes and dreams…
and some rare moments of happiness
are whispered to the night breeze
in silence…in secret…in hopes
that a murmuration of starlings
or perhaps a gulp of swallows will
carry them away in their flight…

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Uninvited

your memories are quite

perverse sometimes –

they come uninvited…

and they linger…teasing me

like ripples – caressing the surface

of calm waters – undulating…

and i am always left defenseless –

unable to cast them out of

my mind..they simply mingle

with the chaos that already

exists within…

Merry-Go-Round

we are a funny pair
you and i…
we chase each other
round and round
as in a merry-go-round…
and our stubborn hearts
get the better of us…
we don’t let go
even as the world spins
out of control
right before our eyes…
and when it stops
we laugh at our foolishness
and fall to the ground –
out of breath…flushed
and happy…until we realize
it’s time to grow up…

Cycle

in my lonesome
i’ve come to realize
that happiness
is a state of mind
as well as a choice…
we choose the company
we keep…
we choose the memories
we cherish…
the moments to remember
and relive…

in my lonesome
i’ve also mastered the art
of getting by each day…
i start by pretending
that i’m happy
and then eventually
i forget about
the things that make me sad…
even just for a while…
until i’m all alone…
until I’m without company…
until i have no other choice
but to confront the sadness
that still clings to me…

it’s become a cycle…
a routine i’ve repeated
each day for approximately
79 days…16 hours…2 minutes…
and still counting…
i’ve come to find
that i still love you
i guess i’ll never stop…
and i’m choosing to
repeat these steps
until happiness becomes
second nature…
just like the way i love you…

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Chapter 1. First Date

“what’s your favorite fruit”
he asked…
i answered –
“peaches”
“peaches”
he repeated  with a smile,
reaching for his cup of coffee…
i looked at his hands…his fingers
were long and slender
like that of a female
and yet when he held
mine i felt his strength…
i was awkward…
but i couldn’t help smiling
at the thought
of getting to know
this person in front of me…
he seemed to be
warm and caring…
i wonder how it would be
like to be loved by someone
as warm and as caring
as he was…he seemed
of a gentle nature…
“so what’s your favorite color”
he asked, after taking that sip…
i looked up at him and said
“yellow”
“yellow”
he repeated…
“yellow and peaches…
they go together don’t you think?”
he said…
and this time it was my turn
to smile…
“they do” i answered…
he looked away…
we sat quietly…
he broke the silence
by taking my hand into his…
he looked at me intently
and said
“you should smile more…
you’re more beautiful
when you smile”
and just like that,
i couldn’t help but smile…
i was smiling for him…

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