Her Last Love Letter

Dear M., she wrote
in lovely strokes and beautiful cursive…

in each line…love letter
she poured out her heart
ending each sentence with
a tear…and a fragment of the love that still clung to each cell
of her battered heart…

she wrote of their memories…
of lessons learned…of realizations…
of the love they once shared…
of what was left of who they once were
to one another…

and she wrote her goodbye…
a painful farewell
to all the years they shared…
the plans they made…the promises…
the dreams they dreamed together…
the intimate moments…
and to the piece of her heart which only belonged to M…

09.01.12

these dreams of late
leave me waking wide-eyed…
wondering…second guessing
the reality of where i find myself
in my waking hours…
and the strangeness of these dreams
pull me towards an abyss…an endless
fall towards you…i fall slowly…
as if drifting…like a feather;
gracefully swaying with gravity…
and in my waking hours
i find myself
listening for your smile…
waiting for the caress from your eyes…
only to realize that i am alone…
so i close my eyes and try hard
to go back to dreaming…but
sleep fails to come to me,
and my dreaming becomes a conscious
imagining of being with you –
sharing moments punctuated with a kiss –
burning…passionate and intoxicating…
and as if on queue, my arms
reach out to your side of the bed
only to find it cold and empty…occupied
by the silence that has filled the room…
i curl towards the empty space that
used to be yours…and i
rifle through memories…as if turning
the pages of your journal – trying to find the page
meant only for me…a page filled with
who i was to you – written in your heavy
cursive…but i find none…disappointed –
i open my eyes to be greeted by
sunlight refracting through my window…

Middle Ground

the stars spell loneliness
like omens foretelling
death…not of the body
but of a soul…of a love…that has been
struggling…adrift in the
chaos and the conflict
between a healing heart and
a stubborn mind…trying to reconcile
a part wanting to feel…
safety…love…that warm
comfort within an embrace…
the other, ready to take
that step towards uncertainty;
towards that which is without…
to feel…a little freedom…
and yet that step has not been taken…
still hoping you’d take my hand
to pull me back into your arms
to tell me that i am worth
every ounce of sacrifice and pain…
and yet i know that
your love is not big enough
for both of us…
should i choose to give up
my dreams until your love
swallows both of us
in a comfortable cradle…or
until you learn to trust me
and in the love that i have for you…
for us?…am i too selfish?…
it seems there is no middle ground
for our plight…no compromise…

Choices

write me a letter
while i am away…
describe your thoughts
and all that you feel
while i go to find
myself…
while i figure out
whether to choose
a past love come back
or to move forward
where you are only a memory…
the choices laid before me
come at a price…
do i choose to lose you
or should i choose to lose myself?
would happiness come to me
if i choose either?
my heart is at a loss…afraid
of losing you and losing itself…

Dear Morpheus

lull me to sleep…
rock me gently
and bring me dreams…
take me to your
realm
dear Morpheus…
weave for me
an intricate web of
dreams to keep me
from waking…
for i should like
to remain where
love used to be…
where i can bid
time to stop…
for i still grieve…
won’t you sweep me away
with your sands
dear Morpheus
and give my soul
the respite it craves…
or even death…
or take away my
memories and give me
endless dreams
where i shall know
no pain…no sadness…
nor betrayal…only love…

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Dreaming

i dreamed

i was in flight
and saw the sky
turn into varying
shades of blue
as clouds
turn into different
shades of gray…

i land softly
on a shore of some sort
and walk barefoot
gathering sands
between my toes,
in the same way
moments etch themselves
into memories…

i walk farther ahead…
and find myself treading
on shards of glass –
each a broken promise
and yet
i sensed no pain…
despite the traces
of crimson footprints
i left in my tread…

i continue on my way
and not far ahead
a procession…a funeral
but there was no coffin
to be seen…
they weren’t burying
a loved one…
they were burying
their broken hearts…
casting off their pains…

i left that scene
not noticing tears
had escaped my eyes…
i come to a river
where a boat
seemed to have
been waiting for me
and the figure
holding the paddle
beckoned me closer…
as if hypnotized
i boarded the boat;
slowly we paddled…
the river reflected the sunset
beautiful and warm
like an embrace –
comforting…
i close my eyes…
letting the breeze
kiss me where tears
had left their mark…

i wake from my slumber…

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Roller Coaster

you took me for a ride
and brought my emotions
to peaks and valleys…
a roller coaster ride
where you brought me to
my highest high
with all your sweet words
and promises..
and after such highs
you plunged me
to my lowest low
with your lies
and scheming ways…
but nevertheless
thank you
for the roller coaster
of emotions…
i guess if not for you
my existence would
have been dull;
and love would have
remained a platonic concept…a noun
constrained in dreams
and wishful thinking…

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