Her Last Love Letter

Dear M., she wrote
in lovely strokes and beautiful cursive…

in each line…love letter
she poured out her heart
ending each sentence with
a tear…and a fragment of the love that still clung to each cell
of her battered heart…

she wrote of their memories…
of lessons learned…of realizations…
of the love they once shared…
of what was left of who they once were
to one another…

and she wrote her goodbye…
a painful farewell
to all the years they shared…
the plans they made…the promises…
the dreams they dreamed together…
the intimate moments…
and to the piece of her heart which only belonged to M…

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Before You

for you
i was never worth the truth…
and i wonder if you ever told me any…
i’ve played sleuth and have found
your lies and inconsistencies…
it’s disappointing…
you ask that i trust you
and yet how can i? when
you’ve disregarded every chance
i’ve offered you – to come clean…
i’ve grown tired of waiting
for you to tell me all you keep…
let me break down and fall apart
and maybe i’ll forget…everything
about you…and only remember
things before you…before
the lies…before the pain…
before the betrayal…before the broken heart..
before my broken smile…

09.01.12

these dreams of late
leave me waking wide-eyed…
wondering…second guessing
the reality of where i find myself
in my waking hours…
and the strangeness of these dreams
pull me towards an abyss…an endless
fall towards you…i fall slowly…
as if drifting…like a feather;
gracefully swaying with gravity…
and in my waking hours
i find myself
listening for your smile…
waiting for the caress from your eyes…
only to realize that i am alone…
so i close my eyes and try hard
to go back to dreaming…but
sleep fails to come to me,
and my dreaming becomes a conscious
imagining of being with you –
sharing moments punctuated with a kiss –
burning…passionate and intoxicating…
and as if on queue, my arms
reach out to your side of the bed
only to find it cold and empty…occupied
by the silence that has filled the room…
i curl towards the empty space that
used to be yours…and i
rifle through memories…as if turning
the pages of your journal – trying to find the page
meant only for me…a page filled with
who i was to you – written in your heavy
cursive…but i find none…disappointed –
i open my eyes to be greeted by
sunlight refracting through my window…

2 weekends and some days

and so i have the answers
to the questions i put forth to you…
a number i can count easily…
2 weekends and some days…
that’s how far you’d go
to gain the trust you lost…
you gave up once again
and took the path
where i would and cannot exist…

thank you for showing me
just how far
your so called “love”
will take you –
2 weekends and some days…

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my heart grieves like a child –
disappointed…
for expecting you to
keep your end of the bargain…
like a school girl
coming home after school
excited to reach into a cupboard
hoping to find a jar of
cookies…
only to find it empty…
sometimes i question
my own intelligence and
my tolerance for pain and
the melancholy…
and things too bitter
for the palate…

i no longer want to grieve
over things i already know
will never be mine again…
i no longer want my heart
to break over your words…
and yet my heart and my mind
keeps circling back
to the pain that
i find in your memory…
to this sadness
that is you…

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