03.24.15

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and so we made love for the last time…after a long time…
and i saw that there was nothing left for us…

it was over…

and even while you were holding me
i saw that you weren’t seeing me…
your mind was far away…
somewhere you would not let me reach…

it was over…

and even when you were kissing me
your mind was imagining someone else…
it breaks my heart to realize
that what we had has now been reduced to memories
that cling and hover over me…
a constant reminder of how we used to be…

One True Love

there are days when i wonder
whether you sang her songs
or whether you asked her
to dance with you out of the blue…
allowing her head to rest –
gently on your shoulder while
holding her in your arms and
swaying her to silent music…
sometimes when all the world
lays quietly with you in your slumber
i wonder whether she loved you
or just wanted you for company
and whether you loved her
like you used to love me…whether
you told her you loved her as frequently
as you whisepered them to me…
and when i lie beside you
quietly holding on to this love,
my heart whispers to yours:
“yes, I love you…and i loved you
even when you broke my heart…
i loved you then…
with all my broken pieces…”

Before You

for you
i was never worth the truth…
and i wonder if you ever told me any…
i’ve played sleuth and have found
your lies and inconsistencies…
it’s disappointing…
you ask that i trust you
and yet how can i? when
you’ve disregarded every chance
i’ve offered you – to come clean…
i’ve grown tired of waiting
for you to tell me all you keep…
let me break down and fall apart
and maybe i’ll forget…everything
about you…and only remember
things before you…before
the lies…before the pain…
before the betrayal…before the broken heart..
before my broken smile…

Choices

write me a letter
while i am away…
describe your thoughts
and all that you feel
while i go to find
myself…
while i figure out
whether to choose
a past love come back
or to move forward
where you are only a memory…
the choices laid before me
come at a price…
do i choose to lose you
or should i choose to lose myself?
would happiness come to me
if i choose either?
my heart is at a loss…afraid
of losing you and losing itself…

a letter to myself…

Hey You,

how’s life been treating you? I hope you are well…how’s your heart? has it healed somehow?…

i¬†know it was painful and i know that you’ve been crying yourself to sleep these days, but take heart and have faith that things will get better…they’ll get better sooner than you think…painful as it is to accept, you know in your heart that it was for the best…maybe you should try to be happy for her…

i know it’s hard to pick yourself up but you’ve got to start somewhere…maybe forgiveness?….why don’t you start by forgiving yourself and the things you think you did wrong…be kind to yourself and forgive whatever it is you think you did or did not do to make the relationship last..it wasn’t all bad and you know it…we both know how much you loved her…how much you gave up to be with her…take heart in the fact that you loved with all your heart, with all of who you are without any pretense…take heart that you loved genuinely and deeply…though it didn’t last the important thing is that your love was real and your heart was honest and loyal….

i know you’re still hurting so cry when you feel like crying…and with every tear you shed Let go…you’ll see that it’ll be easier afterwards…you’re strong and you’ll get through it and come out even stronger…take this opportunity to be single and love being single…appreciate and relive your independence…travel and explore the world on your own…reconnect with friends and family…there is a greater plan out there and someone better will find you….be patient…everything will fall into place…and events will unfold at the right time…

Let go…forgive yourself…be patient…and smile…life will get better…

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