My 29th Chapter on the 26th…

and so the 26th has passed and i turn to my 29th chapter…and these thoughts make up the year which lead to the end of my 28th…

1. growing up can wait…be a kid whenever you can and cherish the moments when you’re able to be one because you’ll never know when you’d need to forget that you’re still a kid…

2. you’ll never be prepared for what life brings you…no matter how many times you rehearse a scene or practice your dialogues life’s crazy script has a way of modifying itself at the last minute…

3. heartbreaks are always a good thing…heartbreaks teaches us so many things about ourselves…you get to learn and relearn things you forgot along the way…

4. bad decisions are never bad…it’s all about perspectives but then again bad decisions tend to be hard to swallow once you realize there’s lessons to be learned from them…like a pill with a bitter aftertaste šŸ™‚

5. the world will never run out of people who make excuses for themselves…heck i’m guilty of doing the same once or twice ;)..but hey, i try to take responsibility for my actions and decisions as much as I can…whenever i can…

6. that in spite of everything that’s been said and done, how you see yourself should not depend on other people’s opinion of you…learning to brush things off and focusing on your own values will keep yourself at peace…

7. expectations are not good for your well being…when you expect things disappointments are not far behind…

8. that no matter how lonely you feel inside, life will surprise you with something that can make you smile…it may come as a simple greeting from your 6-year old neighbor šŸ™‚

9. a cup of coffee is never too hot on a hot sunny day….especially when you’re sharing this with people who are there to encourage and lend an ear to your present woes…

10. real friends will always be there when you need them…lending you their apartment keys when you need a place to crash when you feel lost…

11. reconnecting with friends is like a cup of hot chocolate during gloomy days šŸ™‚

12. sometimes we break our own rules…not only because we want to but because sometimes it’s the right thing to do…or so we thought šŸ™‚

13. no matter how convicted we are about certain events in our lives,Ā  we’ll always find a reason to give someone a second chance…

14. there’s always a lesson to be learned…somewhere in the chaos of things…

15. it’s never too late to write…and the loneliest moments are usually the best inspiration…

16. it’s never too late to talk to Him…it’s never too late to trust in His plans and to keep faith that amidst all the heartaches, His plans are good…

17. grab opportunities no matter how scary and uncertain things seem to be…those opportunities might not come again should you decide to look the other way…but if you do…accept the consequences of your choices…suck it up if you have to…

18. (in conjunction with #17)…regrets are never a good thing…

19. being kind to others or being shown kindness in one way or another will always leave you smiling šŸ™‚

20. pride has no room when it comes to love…

21. love will always move you to do things beyond your own beliefs…

22. sometimes, you have to take life as it comes…don’t make too many plans…an adventure once in a while is a good thing…like traveling to unfamiliar places in manila and getting a tattoo šŸ˜‰

23. you can always be a better person…we’re all a work in progress…hopefully we’re all progressing towards something better…

24. listening to music can be therapeutic…especially when unknown artists churn out songs that just leave you speechless in their awesomeness…

25. sometimes doing things which seem insane to others is the only way to keep your sanity intact…”hey mr. penguin, so how have you been?”…

26. you can never get too much sleep šŸ™‚ … take a nap whenever you can…but please refrain from dosing off in places where you risk losing anything of value or being taken advantage of…

27. we are all capable of letting go of the most familiar things and the most comfortable human connection…sometimes we need to let go of these things and confront the unfamiliar to realize that we are worth more than how we are treated…things have a way of gettingĀ  lost and people tend to leave…it’s okay to cherish their memories but then we’d have to learn to draw the line when it’s no longer wise to hold on to these memories…

28. i am beautiful…i define who i am and my worth is not dependent on anyone else’s opinion…

and lastly…

29. your FAMILY is the greatest treasure you’ll ever have and the love you get from the peopleĀ  who make up your FAMILY can never compare to any other…

BDAY

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That Second Star to the Right

like so many others that came before me
and like all the others of my generation
we believed in Peter Pan and Tinker Bell
and Neverland… and we were all
lost boys and girls…believing in pixie dust
and mermaid lagoons…a magic moon
and Captain Hook and tiger Lily…
believing in eternal childhood…
in never growing old or growing up…
if only pixie dust could be purchased
over the counter – so we could fly
towards that second star to the right
and straight on ’til morning…

but unlike the others –
i was compelled to stay behind…
so much for the abundance
of happy thoughtsĀ  that crowd my mind
and compete for attention to be recalled…
unlike the others –
i never found that source of pixie dust
to power those happy thoughts to aid in my flight…
unlike the others i had to stop dreaming
of Peter Pan…and Tinker Bell
and Neverland…and mermaid lagoons…
and a magic moon and Captain Hook
and tiger Lily…of never growing up…
and unlike the others –
i had to resign from my post as a lost girl
and had to find myself…
but i kept fighting not to forget –
Peter Pan…and Tinker Bell
and Neverland…and mermaid lagoons…
and a magic moon and Captain Hook and tiger Lily…

and now unlike the others
i’ve found myself all grown up…
no longer lost…but still young at heart
and i’ve managed to fashion for myself
a pair of white feathered wings…

so i bid you farewell…look for me in the sky
heading towards that second star to the right
and flying straight on ’til morning…

11.17.12

and when she saw that glint
of sadness in your eyes
did she ask you if you wanted to go
or whether you wanted to stay?
or did she take your face in her hand
and distract you with her seductive
kiss to make you forget
the sadness which clings to you?…

and when she felt the disregard
and the coldness in your touch
did she ask you if you loved her
and whether you still wanted her?
or did she take you in her arms
and laid your head to her bosom
to make you inhale her hypnotic scent
and lulled you into forgetting
your past love?…

and when she heard the hollowness
in your voice during rare conversations
did she ask you what your heart was feeling
and what it whispered in silence?
or did she sing you her song
to take your mind away from
the memories which you held intensely?…

did she love you?…does she love you still?…
how did she love you?…how much did she love you?
does my love compare?

Love on the 27th

i see hearts when lamplights illuminate

puddles that randomly line sidewalks

and pathways after a rainy afternoonā€¦

heart-shaped Raindrops Ā right after

they accumulate on leaf bases

and right before Gravity pulls

them to the earth and leaf apices let go – gentlyā€¦

as if exhaling – breathing a silent sigh

as if caressing the world with love –

iā€™d like to thinkā€¦

and sometimes I see hearts –

shaped by coffee cup stains,

in soft fluffy clouds and double rainbows,

in melted sundae cones and ice creamā€¦

in kaleidoscopes and prismsā€¦

in colorsā€¦and the sunā€¦

and then I see loveā€¦or hear it

in musical notes that float

from violins and pianos and guitar stringsā€¦

in lullabiesā€¦in the whispering winds

in the soft lapping of wavesā€¦

and then I feel loveā€¦and taste it

in apples and pearsā€¦

and peaches and dewā€¦in candies

and chocolatesā€¦in raindropsā€¦

in tearsā€¦in kissesā€¦in you…

Lazy Monday

and so we talked about love
of being in love…of forever…
of faithfulness…of wanting
to be true…of going against history
and its infinite repetitions…
about dying…of separation…
of expectations…and disappointments…
of never making promises..
of leaving…of living – for the moment…
of getting old and forgetting…
of life…and dreams…and plans
for the far future and the coming weekend…
and my thoughts floated –
like bubbles out of soap recipes…
some eventually bursting…others
dissolving slowly…disappearing
into thin air…eventually forgotten
with sleep…

Hearts and Autumn

autumn comes around slowly…
like an old friend walking at
a leisurely pace towards
an appointed time and place
where company awaits
his return from his year-long retreat…
and the Maple, Oak and Elm
welcome him by their abscission…
shedding their leaves
for the autumn breeze
to blow them away…
just like hearts – returning –
finding respite on quiet nights
when all of its loneliness and pain,
and unfulfilled wishes and dreams…
and some rare moments of happiness
are whispered to the night breeze
in silence…in secret…in hopes
that a murmuration of starlings
or perhaps a gulp of swallows will
carry them away in their flight…

Ink and Poetry

and so the ink flowed
from needle to skin…
tracing the outlines of
the stenciled flash…
my skin – the artist’s canvas;
the needle gun – his paintbrush…
and like Picasso, every drop
of ink in his strokes
pigments the canvas…slowly
completing the flash that was
once only a concept – a vision
in my mind…
and the pain which comes
with this artwork is a commitment…
i am marked forever…
and like a river, the ink
runs through my veins
mingling with love and poetry…