an old email…05.01.12

I don’t hate you M…im still hurting..it doesn’t mean that I hate you…I’ve already accepted your decision and im trying to get better from all the pain…I’d rather not know that you care because it gives me this sense of hope that maybe we’ll get back together someday since I still think about you most hours of the day, I still pine and ache for you which is not healthy..baka mabaliw ako (i might go crazy)…so stop…im no longer your concern..i know that you’re happy so be happy…wag mo na akong isipin (don’t think about me anymore)…i told you before i have no choice but to survive this event…ayokong maging bitter sa nangyari kasi alam ko Masaya ka naman (i don’t want to be bitter about what happened because i know that you’re happy)…mabuti na yung ganto (it’s better this way)…let’s not talk anymore…siguro saka na kapag nakalimutan ko na lahat (maybe when i’ve already forgotten everything)…in another life maybe…im still hurting..but I’ll get myself better soon…

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t’was an echo of 08.18.10

it has just occurred to me that your boat is sailing farther and farther away from my shores…slowly being carried by the wind towards another horizon which i keep turning a blind eye to…would you agree if i say that your boat has always been anchored on someone else’s shores?…it would seem that the anchor of your sailboat is attached to chains that somehow have the ability to extend itself, so much so that you were able to drift towards me while your anchor held fast in the vicinity of your origin…and now slowly, as if on queue the chains are slowly being pulled back; both by nature and fate…solitude is slowly making itself felt and loneliness dances around as if taunting me…does heartbreak sound like raindrops?

2010…04.08

i blush at the idea
of wanting to kiss you again…
At the thought of
how it might feel to
make love to you…

i am teased by
the image of
being wrapped in your arms…naked
i wonder how it feels
to make love…to move
against you…to a rhythm
defined by our hearts…beating
with intense passion and desire…

I wonder how it feels
to be held with so much
love…wanting…

I smile at the thought
of succumbing to these ideas…
this wanting..

But I hold myself back…

2009…03.23

The days are long and the nights are even longer, but neither are long enough for moments of rest to last…not enough to feel relief from the day’s draining events, even if one’s day is spent in bed – asleep…sleep doesn’t come easy…one spends countless hours of  restless waking until sleep evades you completely…nocturnal beings like me spend the night rushing…rushing to work..rushing to finish work…rushing to get home after work…and then i attempt to cram everything that’s essential in the remaining hours before my body craves for its right to slumber…my days and nights are never long enough to savor rest or cram the essentials in life…slow down…our lives are continuously spiraling and accelerating towards our eventual end…