relapse (4)

old wounds are made fresh…reopened
it feels like it was only yesterday
when they were inflicted –
it’s as painful as the first time
they were felt…
i promised myself i would
forget and yet here i go again…
i shouldn’t have…yet i still did
my heart cries in pain…
it’s screaming…trying to
break free from inside…
my heart suffocates…
chokes…as if being strangled…
i can’t seem to let go
of this sad story of mine…
i wish i can keep pretending
that i’m okay….but a smile
is quite hard to muster right now…
my eyes are filling up with tears
and so as not to let them fall
i look up at the ceiling…
and i pretend to be blinded
by the bright fluorescent lamp
to cover up the redness in my eyes…
i think this is more than i can take –
this realization that
i have been dispelled…
are we really over?…
it’s too late to ask…
and Yamagata’s Duet
breaks my heart even further…

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