Quiet Desperation

and so it has come down to this…
i found myself bargaining…
even asking to be your mistress…
to be the affair…just so
i can have a piece
of that familiar comfort
that i once had freely…
a little of that love that
only you can give…
a little bit of solace
that i’ve always found in you…
such a sad story indeed…
that i have to bargain for your love…
i wonder if there’s a market
out there where
i can trade my heart for something else
or maybe pawn it for a
little while, until the pain
and the sadness of this situation
i wish there was a hospital
where broken hearts can be remedied…
where these spells of desperation
can be cured…


One of those days…

i don’t like it
when time winds down
to the last hours
i have to spend at work…
there’s this sinking feeling
that grips my heart…
it’s like having butterflies
in my stomach only
it’s not there…
it’s like the feeling
when your car suddenly
goes downhill…
i wish i can tell my
mind to ignore
my heart for a while…
just until i know i’ve
gotten used to things…
just until i get used to
walking home without you…
just until i get used to
not holding your hands…
just until i get used
to not seeing your face
each time i wake up in the afternoons
or in the mornings
and each time i close my eyes
in the morning or at night
during the weekends…
just until i get used to
not being with you…
why is it taking so long?…
today was one of those days
when your absence
is unbearable…
it’s one of those days
when all i want
is to curl up in your arms…


You Belong To Me – Jason Wade Cover

see the pyramids around the Nile
watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
just remember darling all the while
you belong to me

see the marketplace in old Angier
send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears
you belong to me

and I’ll be so alone without you
maybe you’ll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it’s wet with rain
just remember till you’re home again
you belong to me

oh I’ll be so alone without you
maybe you’ll be lonesome too

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it’s wet with rain
just remember till you’re home again
you belong to me

Mirror Monologue

smile won’t you?
wipe away the tears
that blur your vision
of who you are…
tuck that wisp of hair
behind your ear
and smile
don’t weep…the heaviness
and the pain that
plague your heart
will be lifted soon..
cross your fingers
close your eyes
everything will be alright…
so breathe…hold your head
high and smile…
stop counting the days
you’ve been alone…
stop counting the hours
and the minutes that pass
they are independent variables
that you can not control…
stop waiting for time to return
for time only moves forward…
so wipe away your tears
and stop crying like a child
it’s time to grow up…


Michelle – The Beatles

been singing this for a while now…

Michelle, my belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

Michelle, my belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That’s all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You’ll understand.

Michelle, my belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I need to, I need to, I need to.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I’m hoping you will
Know what I mean.

I love you…

I want you, I want you, I want you.
I think you know by now
I’ll get to you somehow.
Until I do I’m telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michelle, my belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I will say the only words I know that
You’ll understand, my Michelle.

Missing you

it’s times like these –
when my day’s all messed up
and i don’t know what to do
when i miss you beyond
when saying i miss you
just would not describe
how much i miss you
and just how much
i want you with me
right at this moment…
just your presence…
your touch…your smile
just you…with me…
maybe you can hold my hand
and we’ll just stay
quiet…listening to each
other breathe…listening
to each other’s heartbeat…
or maybe you can hug me
i badly need one right now…


relapse (4)

old wounds are made fresh…reopened
it feels like it was only yesterday
when they were inflicted –
it’s as painful as the first time
they were felt…
i promised myself i would
forget and yet here i go again…
i shouldn’t have…yet i still did
my heart cries in pain…
it’s screaming…trying to
break free from inside…
my heart suffocates…
chokes…as if being strangled…
i can’t seem to let go
of this sad story of mine…
i wish i can keep pretending
that i’m okay….but a smile
is quite hard to muster right now…
my eyes are filling up with tears
and so as not to let them fall
i look up at the ceiling…
and i pretend to be blinded
by the bright fluorescent lamp
to cover up the redness in my eyes…
i think this is more than i can take –
this realization that
i have been dispelled…
are we really over?…
it’s too late to ask…
and Yamagata’s Duet
breaks my heart even further…



remind me of time –
suspended and captured…
they remind me of
frozen and documented…
they hold memories
printed and framed
and allowed to linger
in our thoughts
during rare quiet moments
or whenever time
permits us an occasion to
reminisce…to look back
into those moments…
those memories…
and each framed, captured
and suspended time
holds the power
to fill our hearts with joy
or break them…
and paint a simple smile
or bring tears
out of sadness or pain…
photographs are like
wrapped in the ribbons of time…
and becomes more delicate
with age…
more fragile…as each frame
gets tattered ’round the edges
hoping not be forgotten…


Just Saying…

chivalry is dead
and the world no
longer has any gentlemen,
prince charmings nor
knights in shining armor
at the ready
to rescue a damsel in distress…
although damsels
have also gone extinct
these days…
the world is running
under the concept
of equality and yet
it seems the equality
our society proclaims
is based under a weird
thought of extremes…
men these days
(atleast in the society where i’m from)
only show chivalry for women
whom they deem
more attractive than others –
full breasts and curves…
it’s funny how we’ve
traded values for points…
and if you’re a woman
of average looks or less
they’d treat you “equally”
even the elderly get treated “equally”
chivalry is dead…
at least in the society where i’m from…

Notre amour

i run my fingers
across the sheets and
remember lying in your arms
during humid nights
and hot summer days…
i remember
how your heart beat
in those intimate moments…

we laid in this pallet
vast as the ocean…and
i swam the core and the meaning
of the kisses from your lips…
the warmth from each embrace
overflowing with tenderness
and desire which i could
not have learned from books
and could not have been
taught in school…

in this pallet, as quiet
and as deep as the trenches
is where i immersed myself to
fathom your abysmal slumber
and to trace every detail
of your face and hold your every
breath and sigh as
you dreamed…where
i held you close
in the warmth of my bosom…

in this pallet as pure
and as calm as the ocean
is where i let the abundance
of my love…and my desires
flow and ebb in each
kiss…in each embrace…
in each moment i gave myself
which you answered
with endless waves
of your own desires…
and perhaps your love…

and maybe…if walls
could speak
they would tell the world
of these moments…
these intimacies
that only we shared…

i run my fingers…
along the edges of this pallet
and realize that i was amiss…
because the vastness…
the depth…and the overflowing
love and desire
we shared
has reached its end…

unlike the ocean…